I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
