Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
