All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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