I need help removing her.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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