I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Bring me that man meat
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
