i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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