Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
