I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
