the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.