i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
