This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
