I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
