There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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