I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
