I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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