have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Come share oat with me in your robe
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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