When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
