i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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