I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
