Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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