My Higher Power is John Stamos
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
