dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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