oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
