I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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