dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
