i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
