Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
