I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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