office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Im part way to drunk.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
