What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
