y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I look better un-naked...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
