im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
