apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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