I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
