shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
