I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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