Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
