dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
