Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
