i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
