Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
did i just pee glitter
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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