Even the bartender felt bad for me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
