you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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