I can text with my tongue
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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