do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
