Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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