I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
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I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
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My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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