I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
