I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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