I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
