and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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