she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I wish there were birth control emojis
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
