i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
