can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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