Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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