Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
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He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
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The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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