I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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