I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
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I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
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Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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