Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
