It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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