He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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