I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
