I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
