ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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