I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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