highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
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It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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