Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
