And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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