she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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