I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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