I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
