Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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