Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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