just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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