did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He did a backflip because drugs
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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