The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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