god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
