if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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