I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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