a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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