Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
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he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
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I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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