Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
