Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
